Concern about influence on young people
I am writing to you with regard to the deleterious effects of your product on today's youths. It is difficult enough these days for a young person to navigate the various aspects of modern society without the bewildering influences of your easily accessible product - to which I refer, of course, "Absolut Cherrys [sic]" and the obvious confusion vis-à-vis Cherrys/Cherries. Such noun suffix obfuscation is irresponsible and detrimental to the continued success of our most hallowed institution, to wit: The British National Scrabble Team.
I expect immediate grammatical rectification, and of course restitution payable in several cases of aforementioned beverage so as to cloud my memories of this most harrowing event.
I remain yours, truly,
Captain Serious, VC, DSO, Scrabble Champion 2004, 2006, etc.