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Concern about influence on young people

Dear Absolut,

I am writing to you with regard to the deleterious effects of your product on today's youths. It is difficult enough these days for a young person to navigate the various aspects of modern society without the bewildering influences of your easily accessible product - to which I refer, of course, "Absolut Cherrys [sic]" and the obvious confusion vis-à-vis Cherrys/Cherries. Such noun suffix obfuscation is irresponsible and detrimental to the continued success of our most hallowed institution, to wit: The British National Scrabble Team.

I expect immediate grammatical rectification, and of course restitution payable in several cases of aforementioned beverage so as to cloud my memories of this most harrowing event.

I remain yours, truly,
Captain Serious, VC, DSO, Scrabble Champion 2004, 2006, etc.

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